the universal now

we live in the spur of the moment
and we can protest or conform, it
is a choice we make from minute
to minute within a limit and maybe within it
there’s a justice extinct clink.
am-me-sia, a daily battle with with my lived reality
and it’s not reckless to travel vulnerably
not if it’s premeditated….

the experience of living in the universal now is common to folk with audhd – that is, both autism and adhd. a combination that was, until fairly recently, thought impossible. a diagnosis of one meant you couldn’t have the other. i have only been diagnosed with autism, but i relate quite strongly to audhd people. my favourite podcast at the moment is ‘audhd flourishing’, presented very ably by mattia mauree. the other day she mentioned that for her there are only two times, now and not-now. i have a fundamental sort of inability to imagine the future. i have no visual imagination at all, a neurodivergence known as aphantasia.

in another life i was an award winning criminal law student. so the last lines are a reference to the two mens reas of murder in scots law, intention (to kill) or wicked recklessness – a sort of wilful recklessness, a behaviour so thoughtless and dangerous that death is an inevitable outcome.

britain used to be famous for its liberalism. but there has always been an authoritarian streak, and in recent years the government has clamped down hard on peaceful but ‘nuisance causing’ protests. so we live in a world were poor wee crusty hippies spend serious time in jail for trying to make the world a better place. whether we agree with protestors or not, a healthy society should be able to argue its case without resorting to violence.