Category: s04 april 24/25

I have a theory we are overwhelmed by choice and will starve in paralysis / cornucopia or famine, different but the same

another month ends. tomorrow it will be may. it’s the best time of year. the sun is out, the days are long, and the whole summer is to come. and i’ve got a new verse out tomorrow. and its a little bit different. let’s just say that last may was tough. we are hoping better. come what may

the donkeys are a reference to the philosophical paradox of buridan’s ass – the donkey is equally starving and parched. fortunately, food and water are close to hand. in fact, plentiful supplies of each are just 1 metre away. in opposite directions. so the donkey is unable to rationally decide whether to first eat or drink, and as a result, it dies of thirst and starvation.

have you tried the choco lonely, graceful child? / it’s getting less expensive but you’ll still need a mortgage

i must be getting old. everything seems to expensive. £7 for a pint of beer? i remember when £2 was considered pricey. i don’t smoke any more, but i distinctly remember 10 packs of smokes for £1.36. they don’t even do ten packs any more and its most of £20 for a twenty deck. and the chocolate bars seem to have doubled in price in a mere couple of years.

i used to read about history, war, famine, strikes and all that, and think it was lucky i lived in the settled, modern world. sometimes now i wish i’d been born a million years ago. when human history does end, it will end with a bang, and not with the philosophy of francis fukuyama.

i scuttle home sick in the night, not ready to be seen like this here / and an astral month ends, mess everywhere, a solemn verdict awaited / please god let all the good souls revel in forgiveness

i had this big job interview. i really wanted the gig. i worked so hard on it. there was a presentation, a written exercise, and, well you know, like questions and answers. as is implied by ‘interview’. anyway, there was some other stuff going on in my life at the time, but i felt like i managed to hold it together and come across like a competent human employee hybrid.

but in the end i never got the job, and i pretty much had a breakdown in the evening after the interview – in a fever, despairing. it was a low. the month had started with a spring of optimism. it was about here that the year took a downward turn.

re two bunnies a good omen? or was it just a dusky lamb?

i love to see wild animals. bunnies are such charming creatures. and this is a good time of year for them. i haven’t cycled as much this winter as i used to. the winter is the worst time for animals. just dirty sheep. cows. geese if very lucky.

but are bunnies a good omen? i don’t think they are. for me, they are a consolation from fate for a disappointment i am due. they are a little message to say: don’t worry. this wasn’t your time. but we know you love bunnies. so enjoy these bunnies frolicking for now. and keep working on your thing. you have many great days to come.

we borderline roll with the blows and try to process / you can’t control your body, but we hope we can live with it

it is one of the main tenets of stoicism that you are best to focus your attention on that which you can control. and that means accepting that there isn’t much you can actually control. and your body is one of the things you can’t control. it gets sleepy. it gets ill. it carries you about and it will one day kill you.

all that i can control are my character, my actions, and my reactions. my thoughts and my judgements upon others. to some extent, as much as i may worry about trump, putin and nuclear war, no good will come of it as i have no control over the outcome.

stoics also embrace the temporary nature of living. things may be how they are today. but that doesn’t mean that its justified, or will be the same in the future. i’ve only lived 4ish decades and how many atlases have i seen rendered obsolete?

i was sleeping when the rascal slipped in on a bonnie mission / you give notice, it’s official, the last issue / i’m doing my homework so you can take me with you

my lover got offered a new job. this triggered many feelings, positive and negative. of course i was happy for her. but worried about the change in our lives. some jealousy too. it spurred me on a bit. i had been looking for a new position myself for a while, but i kept missing out at the final interview stage. and i was looking forward to another interview a few days hence. another disappointment it would turn out. in retrospect, i just wasn’t ready to move on. the mid life crisis was necessary and incomplete.

“i was sat” means to sit, you were sitting / badia brand tears in the box kitchen

my mum used to always give me a row for saying ‘i was just sat there when….’ ’no,’ she would say, ‘you were sitting. earlier you sat down, then you were sitting. sat is the action,’ and i would say, ‘ok anyway so i was just sat there and then the doorbell rang so i just ignored it. and that’s why i didn’t pay the window cleaner.’