i try and fit the world into schemes of universal truth. the simpler the principle, the more beautiful, and hence better. but as soon as you take philosophy into the world, it is battered by complication and complexity. the universe is chaotic.

for this reason, i have a general fear of the future. planning makes me overwhelmed. there is too much of everything. too many books to read. songs to write. sunny days to bathe under. routes to cycle. dinners to eat. so many millions of choices, so many infinities of experience that i necessarily will miss out on.

and that’s before we come to thoughts. for we live in two worlds – the external world, which exists perfectly well without us and of which we know almost nothing – and the internal world – of which ONLY we know, and yet we still can’t remember everything. we can’t remember our every action in the external world. but we can’t even remember the events of the internal world: the ideas that drifted away before we could commit them to paper. the emotions we felt. the dreams we had. all gone. as if they never even existed.