please god let all the good souls revel in forgiveness

i had this big job interview. i really wanted the gig. i worked so hard on it. there was a presentation, a written exercise, and, well you know, like questions and answers. as is implied by ‘interview’. anyway, there was some other stuff going on in my life at the time, but i felt like i managed to hold it together and come across like a competent human employee hybrid.

but in the end i never got the job, and i pretty much had a breakdown in the evening after the interview – in a fever, despairing. it was a low. the month had started with a spring of optimism. it was about here that the year took a downward turn.

i was sleeping when the rascal slipped in on a bonnie mission / you give notice, it’s official, the last issue / i’m doing my homework so you can take me with you

my lover got offered a new job. this triggered many feelings, positive and negative. of course i was happy for her. but worried about the change in our lives. some jealousy too. it spurred me on a bit. i had been looking for a new position myself for a while, but i kept missing out at the final interview stage. and i was looking forward to another interview a few days hence. another disappointment it would turn out. in retrospect, i just wasn’t ready to move on. the mid life crisis was necessary and incomplete.

volcanic shores and gales of fearsome solitude

it’s a new month, so i have a new verse out on the youtube / spotify / apple music. it’s called the slugabed. hope you like it.

i just spent two days solid sorting through emails. all my emails since gmail was invented. almost 20 years of emails. so many rejections from jobs. from the lowest paid, lowest skilled, right up to the top – board level. no matter what step of the ladder i aim for, my skill profile doesn’t quite work. so that’s why i’m a poet and a cyclist. and this line was my lonely, dyspraxic protest against winds that i was too scared to ride in on my bike holiday.

a nearly new horizon lost, for which i missed legs day at the gym

i feel it is important to celebrate rejection. somewhere buried in the disappointment there is hopefully a lesson. something constructive to be taken. a way to improve. but even if there isn’t, even if you just tried your best and failed, isn’t it better to have given it a shot? and now, a year later, i can look back and i know that if i hadn’t had this rejection, i would have missed out on other acceptances.

#poetry #spokenword #writing #acceptance #rejection