Tag: #glasgow

first class travel problems

on a tired day i can’t will myself a timetable
halfway to barrow
my heart a furnace
then pressed on from preston
the train’s delayed
and so is my wellness
for a few hours
because after work there’s a sauna
and free champagne
which reminds me. my new mantra:
never drink fizz in transit
it won’t be frigid and the bubbles will die

if i have to travel for work i at least want to go first class. i don’t like to fly if i can avoid it. but i find travel very stressful. especially if i’m on my own. i don’t have much wherewithal of sense of direction. but anyway, take it from me, on the train drink ipa, champagne is wasted. i think it’s ok on a plane though. weirdly.

another p.b.

nearly bail on the great scot’s ten
but i’m literally trapped in the atrium
and it only takes thirty eight minutes
so i may as well run
then the button on my trousers popped off
and fell into the toilet bowl
i suppose
life is precious and unpredictable

i have entered the great scots run each of the last three years. i got two pbs in the half and a pb in the 10. i can’t be bothered running it again this year. maybe i’ll get more into cycling. oh yeah i already signed up for another marathon. oh well, maybe next year.

thinking about my history as a ferocious blusher on the weird work week road trip

storm away with amy
on the weird work week
road trip
yet wherever i go
i’m always me
and find myself adverse to
reverse columbo,
so i hold my tongue
pathologically, i realise,
in the hotel power shower
my beetroot trauma
my painful blushing
the loss of limb control
the shame and the denial
too scared to ask
for the haircut i wanted
until i was about middle aged
nobody ever explains
the numbers
it’s not taught in school
i still hate barbershops
turn it up or turn it off
this is techno, watch it launch

continuing to describe my busy august. week one – move home. week two – move all my stuff. week 3 – trail run half marathon, seven hour drive each way – week 4 various odd jobs at the old place, dump runs, hand over the keys, week 5 – seriously wtf how long is this month?? go on holiday with my girlfriend’s family, and our other flatmate moves out so we have some living space in our home again.

car vermin

the sidewalk was invented
by ambrose walkside
or so i learn from the chatbot
to protect cars from
jaywalking serfs.
mounting the pavement
a man driving an suv
in an act of derangement
on his third attempt to kill me
i got away,
with his licence plate
can i be arsed to go to court?
probably not
he must have been having a hard life
no doubt he will kill me
another day
then someone else
almost reverses into me twice
but i’m sure it is not
me that is the problem

i moved in with my girlfriend on the first. we had a flatmate overlap situation for the first four weeks, so the place has been massively over-furnished and lacking in storage. boxes everywhere. quite stressful.

i really did strongly consider going to the police about this guy. a witness reached out to me. but to utilise the violence of the criminal justice system against someone for revenge doesn’t sit well with me. i realise there is a public safety issue as well. i’m hoping the guy was just having a bad day.

cancelled train gives me a wobble

cancelled train
gives me a wobble
deep breath
i can reconnect
at carlisle
have pea pasta
and prosecco for lunch
see two good horses
and an orange digger
rails of rust
duck egg screen
pink and neutrals
in fluff
and all the greens
you could eat in a lifetime
on the great western line

i don’t usually carry a sunflower lanyard (hidden disabilities thing) for my autism. unless i’m travelling, especially by myself, when the slightest thing going wrong sends me into a mad panic. actually, everything sends me into a panic. maybe i should always wear it. anyway the train was cancelled and i was like maybe i should just go back home. maybe this trip isn’t for me. but anyway, i panicked a bit then just got a different train and it was fine.

wales iv

read a book to ariana
mostly seems to bore her
well she asked for it
then the last supper
aubergine, cheese and garlic
you drive me home
i’m a good passenger you say
i’m infinitely patient and never complain
but pray silently as we speed towards the
slowing car ahead
and i feel weirdly safe with you
we drop the car off at the airport
and run back to town
like normal people do
or maybe only we do
both bridges are out
and the ferry closed down
so i take the subway home from govan
as do you
in the other direction

i am moving in with my girlfriend at the weekend. no longer will we be in directional disagreement at the end of a holiday. we shall just go to the same place. perhaps other aspects of life will also be improved. i expect so.

wales iii

swings and roundabouts
like a crash test dummy
humming a christmas song
i guess i feel like i’m one of the uncles
from home alone
all our kisses are stolen
kids voices climb the stairs
white hairs in my moustache
catch the light in the morning mirror
visit the folly hotel of portmeirion
lily pads and various trees
a beach that doesn’t reach the sea
sleep in and miss the hike
overdosed on the house party life

portmeirion is a weird place. i got an ice cream. looked at the vast beach. thought about cockle related tragedies. in a way, every cockle collected is a small tragedy. for the delicious cockle.

wales i

the principality of wales was formed
when the warring territories of
upper wale and lower wale
were conquered by invading sea mammals
who imposed order
then retreated to the sea,
leaving wales
as one of the few
truly plural countries
available for rule
by english land mammals
and a bucolic spot for a holiday.

i went to wales on holiday with my girlfriend’s family and i wrote nonsense poetry and i had a great time. even when my girlfriend made me run a half marathon off-road at tempo. then make dinner for her entire family from the ottolenghi cookbook. happy memories.

dog tricks of the long distance runner

on a 30 kilometre run,
in my 20th season
after a thousand hours running,
i suddenly reason
my cap slides
into my waistband,
bends round the hip
and the inbuilt pants
mean it won’t slip.

i’m not sure what to say about this other than – if you run – and you are my size and shape – and you have the sort of shorts that have underwear built in – then if you are ever not sure whether to wear a baseball cap on your run or not, you should just wear it because if your head gets too warm you can slide the hat into your shorts. or you could just hold it in your hand. or put it in the bin or give it away, i suppose.