Category: iv] techno-determinism

wales iii

swings and roundabouts
like a crash test dummy
humming a christmas song
i guess i feel like i’m one of the uncles
from home alone
all our kisses are stolen
kids voices climb the stairs
white hairs in my moustache
catch the light in the morning mirror
visit the folly hotel of portmeirion
lily pads and various trees
a beach that doesn’t reach the sea
sleep in and miss the hike
overdosed on the house party life

portmeirion is a weird place. i got an ice cream. looked at the vast beach. thought about cockle related tragedies. in a way, every cockle collected is a small tragedy. for the delicious cockle.

wales ii

we pick brambles by nebo
up the lane from nazareth
hold a toddler up a boulder
you know slow is not
intrinsically good or bad
park the motor
don’t feed the metre
get a parking fine
waitrose cafe
avocado experiment
waitress seems
amazed it didn’t kill me
free tuna baguette
because they made one extra
if only they had a supermarket
in which to merchandise it

i just realised that if we just increase taxes on everyone that increases the share of money going to the government which decreases the amount of money available for other things. so increasing taxes is a better way of dealing with inflation than raising interest rates. it’s much fairer. and instead of people defaulting on their mortgages, the government will have money to spend on cycle lanes and mental health care and other great stuff!

wales i

the principality of wales was formed
when the warring territories of
upper wale and lower wale
were conquered by invading sea mammals
who imposed order
then retreated to the sea,
leaving wales
as one of the few
truly plural countries
available for rule
by english land mammals
and a bucolic spot for a holiday.

i went to wales on holiday with my girlfriend’s family and i wrote nonsense poetry and i had a great time. even when my girlfriend made me run a half marathon off-road at tempo. then make dinner for her entire family from the ottolenghi cookbook. happy memories.

the neutral samaritan (prologue) and chorus

i try to be a taciturn
neutral samaritan
a helpful mannequin
directing crooks and stooges
alike on their quests
we’ll work it out on
the trans europe express
i spend a sunny night
stuck at my desk
turn it up, this is techno-something
but what’s next

this is the trilogy of four to the floor
the thump sets the beat
and the dog whistle the tone
kick drum snare
in your headphones in your home
the technofuture is ours alone

thank you for joining me for the first stanza of part four of the love epochal: technodeterminism. i predict more in august.

this was shocking at the time, but nothing compared to the time i accidentally shaved my moustache off when i was sick

push my list to time unknown,
stare blankly at my phone
remove my specs
for the looking glass
overcome briefly
by the novelty
of my naked face
declare a moratorium
on anything
more laborious
than the thought
that all must die
and life goes on
in memoriam

i was sick the other week and the first thing to go is my decision making skills. i don’t know why but i was sure my moustache needed balancing. the next thing to go of course is motor skills. a bit off that side. oops too much. try the other. ah. oh dear. too small. the only viable moustache is now the hitler one. and that is a bad moustache for several reasons. before i knew it i’d shaved my whole face and no longer recognised myself in the mirror. fortunately it has grown back now.

the tyranny of the self

you know,
i’m so annoying.
why do i have to be me?
of all the people,
what are the chances,
why must i be me?
and everyone else as well.
why are
they so annoying
and why can’t i be them
and my question, fundamentally
is why can’t they be me?

if there was one thing i would change about the human experience, it would be that umwelt swaps should be not just possible but relatively easy, such that we really could experience how it feels to be different people. specific people. why not actually see it from your wife’s point of view? or feel what it feels to be about to die. or to be a newborn baby.

events, dear boy, events

a thought i have a lot
is that the present is just
the way it is because of things
that already happened
and how different the world could be
if different things had happened
i wouldn’t be alive
if it wasn’t for the second world war
how should i feel about hitler?
how should i feel as a child of genocide?
on a planet still full of fascists
and sympathisers

is it better to live among fascists or not live at all? it is certainly a depressing way to live. how can a person choose to be evil? why are we hard wired for cruelty? it’s a moot point i guess. for now the main struggle is just getting them out of power.

dog tricks of the long distance runner

on a 30 kilometre run,
in my 20th season
after a thousand hours running,
i suddenly reason
my cap slides
into my waistband,
bends round the hip
and the inbuilt pants
mean it won’t slip.

i’m not sure what to say about this other than – if you run – and you are my size and shape – and you have the sort of shorts that have underwear built in – then if you are ever not sure whether to wear a baseball cap on your run or not, you should just wear it because if your head gets too warm you can slide the hat into your shorts. or you could just hold it in your hand. or put it in the bin or give it away, i suppose.

forced to say ta-dah at hot yoga, humiliating, and chorus

come on, bon bon;
she literally dumped me
yoga ta-da,
run home wet,
get a pineapple at the tesco
turn it up turn it up turn it up,
this is techno

this is the trilogy of four to the floor
the thump sets the beat
and the dog whistle the tone
kick drum kick
in your headphones in your home
the technofuture is ours alone

walking home from the pub one night listening to the rest is politics podcast i had an idea for a new political party. the party will be called the new conservatives we will describe ourselves as a socially liberal version of conservatives: a centre-right economic position, a belief that government social morality should be progressive but also always lag a tad behind broader society, et cetera.

but actually the politics will all be really left-wing – we will nationalise public services and raise taxes on the rich and stuff like that. when challenged we will simply refer to the post-war consensus that existed until 1979. and we will accuse our opponents of being communists regardless of the form of challenge. thank you for your attention to this matter.